Yesterday (Version 1)

There is three versions or attempts at starting this play knocking around which was wrote a few years before Shameless came onto our TV Series and kinda covered the same ground in a way, in the sense of it focused on a very layabout almost Neil Morrissey kind of screenwriter called Paul who had been avoiding being grown up all his life and had three kids by three different women picks up a much younger girlfriend called Rachel who totally wrecks his life.

There was two further attempts to rewrite this after university which I will share at a later date and one that has a series of meetings with my friend, Alex Humphrey who sadly went missing just after we started working it out, and another version with my friend Rob Goodier which ended up with around 20 pages of notes which was a huge agreement and didn’t go anywhere.

Act 1:

(SETTING – PAUL’S LIVING ROOM. PAUL, A SCREENWRITER AND WOULD BE NOVELIST IS SITTING IN HIS STUDY. HE IS A ATTRACTIVE, HIPPIE-ISH MAN IN HIS EARLY 40’S. HIS AGENT, TONY A SLIGHTLY YOUNGER MAN IS SAT THERE TALKING TO HIM)

Paul:

You’re joking

(TONY SHAKES HIS HEAD)

This is a wind, please me this a wind up

(NO RESPONSE FROM TONY)

I know some of my scripts can be a long winded, but I would

Have never wrote that.

(TONY REACHES INSIDE HIS BRIEFCASE AND PULLS

OUT A PIECE OF SCRIPT AND PASSES IT TO PAUL.

PAU LOOKS AT IT BEFORE ANSWERING)

Oh Shit.

Tony:

That’s one word for it, mate. We nearly ended up with a full strike

After one page monologue of Romeo telling Juliet he wanted her

To join him in snorting a load of Coke and then off to the meadows

For some anal sex with him and his three brothers. You do know

How old Michelle is who is playing Juliet is don’t you?

(PAUSE)

She’s 12 years old mate. Her mother nearly had a fit

When she heard her read it. I know Shakespeare works

Sometimes get adapted for the modern stage, but I don’t

Think Juliet was meant to be a coke-sniffing Nymph.

Paul:

You remember that drama I am doing for Sky One too?

Tony:

Of course.

(TONY BLUSHES)

Oh god, she’s called Juliet.

Paul:

I don’t know how it happened.

Honest to god, I don’t know how this was happened.

(TONY LAUGHES)

Tony:

If you started putting dialogue in from Romeo and Juliet

In there, that’ll certainly stump them. Isn’t that the one

Where..?

Paul:

I think we’ll just changed topics there, don’t you?

(RACHEL – A PRETTY, PETITE GIRL IN HER

EARLY 20’s ENTERS THE ROOM)

Paul:

Hey Babe.

Rachel:

Hey yourself.

Tony:

Hi Rachel

(RACHEL DOES NOT ANSWER

AND CARRIES ON TALKING TO PAUL)

Rachel:

I’ve not got any lecturers this afternoon. Do you

Fancy meeting up for lunch?

(TONY LOOKS AT PAUL)           

Paul:

Sorry, babe. I can’t. Once I finish off with Tony here

I am going to be tied up with rewrites all afternoon.

Rachel:

Forget about it

(LEAVES)

Tony:

Bloody hell. What’s up with her today?

Paul:

I think she’s having a few problems at university.

Tony:

Doesn’t she ever smile?

Paul:

You’ve just caught her at a bad moment.

Tony:

And the thirty times before?

(PAUL SMILES BUT DOESN’T ANSWER)

Tony:

I’m surprised she doesn’t audition for

A Victoria Beckham look-alike agency

Sometimes.

Paul:

She’s not that bad.

Tony:

Do you want me to answer that?

How are the kids reacting to her?

Paul:

You don’t want to know.

Believe me, you don’t want to know.

Harry…

Tony:

Ain’t he your eldest?

Paul:

Yeah, he’s a right lazy swine.

Have I told you what he’s told

Me he wants to do for a living?

(TONY SHAKES HIS HEAD)

Paul:

He wants to become a porn star

(TONY LAUGHS)

I’m being honest with you, mate.

He came out with it when I went

Round to visit him at his mum’s

Last week.

Tony:

Pauline?

Paul:

No, Lind.

Tony:

You’re like ***** *****

With ex wives. I lose

Bloody count.

Paul:

You can talk, mate.

How many times have

You being married?

Tony:

Fair enough.

(PAUSE)

Tony:

How did you meet her

In the first place?

Paul:

Didn’t I tell you?

(TONY SHAKES HIS HEAD)

I was a guest lecturer at our

Rebecca’s university.

(PAUSE)

I’ll pass on the rest if you don’t

Mind

Tony:

You dirty devil

(PAUL)

Paul:

Long story, mate. Long, long story.

Can we leave that until another day.

I’d rather talk about Harry..

Tony:

I almost forgot about him.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I wish I could. I popped round

To see him after I spoke to Pauline

A day or two after she rang up

And told me he wanted me to help

Set up his own business. About bloody

Time I told myself as all I’d seen him

Do since he graduated the previous

Year was sit round and smoke pot.

Pauline didn’t tell me what it was,

So by the time I got round there

I didn’t know what to expect.

(PAUSE)

When I arrived he was sat there

In front of me and said to me

With a straight face ‘Dad, I

Need twenty five grand off you’

With a straight face.

Tony:

Bloody hell.

Paul:

I said – what on earth do you need

All that for? And I kid you not –

He answered me you helped Mikey out

When he told you he wanted some money

Off you’

Tony:

Isn’t he in that errr.. band

Paul:

He fancies himself as the British Eminem. He’s dreadful.

(PAUSE)

Truly is but it was the case of slipping him a couple

Of hundred quid not twenty five bleeding thousand.

(PAUSE)

I nearly fainted when he said that. ‘What the hell do you

Want that for? And he completely avoided the question

By sprouting out some crap about it was the career he

Really, really wanted. I kid you not, he must have

Gone on for about twenty to twenty five minutes

Sprouting on about how perfect an opportunity

This was for him and how much he felt this

Was right up his alley without actually telling

What it actually was. After 20 to 25 minutes of that

Crap, I was ready to give just give him the money to just

Bloody shut him up but when he then mentioned

Camera equipment, it sort of pricked my interest if

You know what I mean?

Tony:

He wants to become a cameraman?

Paul:

I only wish so I asked him ‘Camera Equipment

-         what are you planning to do – shoot films?’

And he blushed and I knew he was hiding something

From me ‘What aren’t you telling me? I said finally

‘as much as you may think me pulling twenty to twenty

five thousand out of nowhere is impossible’. He didn’t

answer and it then dawned on me, he wasn’t shooting

films or anything. He wanted them for shooting

Porn films.

(TONY STARTS LAUGHING)

Paul:

It aren’t funny. I can accept I haven’t being

The best father in the world, but even…