Night Shift

Night Shift is the first in a series of short plays originally started around the beginning of 2001, and still ongoing to this day focusing on a un-named prisoner of war camp told in a very Harold Pinter kind of voice - ie very black humored.

There is a number of other pieces in this series alas not complete which i will share in due course, but I hope you like this.

In contrast to some of the other plays mentioned so far, this one is unproduced but I hope it will be someday.

(SETTING: PRISON BLOCK)

(PLACE: UNKNOWN)

(TIME: NOW (OR NOW-ISH)

(SCENCY IS SLIGHT BUT
AS THE PLAY BEGINS
TWO SOLDIERS WALK

FROM THE LEFT OF THE STAGE).

(THE TWO SOLDIERS ARE
SOMEWHERE IN THEIR 30’S
OR 40’S).

(THE FIRST SOLDIER GOES
THROUGH THE FIRST DOOR

AND THEN COMES BACK OUT)

(THE SECOND SOLDIER GOES
THROUGH THE SECOND DOOR
AND COMES BACK OUT)

(THE FIRST SOLDIER STOPS
AT THE THIRD DOOR)

Soldier 1:

Do I have to?

Soldier 2:

It’s your turn.

Soldier 1:

No it isn’t.

Soldier 2:

Yes it is.

Soldier 1:

Like hell, it is.

Soldier 2:

It’s your turn.

Soldier 1:

No, it bloody ain’t.

Soldier 2:

But you swapped with me

On the time before last.

Soldier 1:

No, I didn’t. You’re getting

Me confused over Room 5.

(SOLDIER 1 TURNS

AWAY FROM LOOKING

AT THE DOOR)

Soldier 2:

No I’m not. You

Swapped me with me

The time before last.

Soldier 1:

You told me in

The bar last night

You would go in there tonight.

Soldier 2:

I didn’t say that. You

Agreed that with Bobby.

Soldier 1:

Bobby was on the day shift.

Remember?

(PAUSE)

I agreed it with you.

Soldier 2:

I still ain’t going in there.

He ain’t right. Have you heard

What he did the other night

With his shit?

Soldier 1:

I don’t care. It’s still your

Turn.

Soldier 2:

There is no way I am going

In there.

Soldier 1:

I don’t know what your bloody

Problem is with him. That sod is so

scared off me – he almost lines the

wall with urine in fear when he sees

me walk  through his door with

my stick.

(SOLDIER 2 TURNS HIS BACK)

(PAUSE)

Soldier 2:

It’s your time. I went in there

Last time.

Soldier 1:

No you didn’t. I walked in

And screamed out ‘don’t

Try it sunshine, don’t even

Bloody think about it as

Otherwise they’ll be picking

Up the remains of your head

From the ceiling for the next

Two weeks’ and I thought

He was gonna burst out laughing

At me. I soon set him

Straight, you know.

Soldier 2:

That was the time before.

(PAUSE)

It’s your turn.

(PAUSE)

Do you think I like going

In there?

(PAUSE)

Did you hear what

He did to Colin the other week?

(PAUSE)

He waited until Colin had put the

tray on the floor and then leaped

On him from the top of his

Bunk.

Soldier 1:

He should have watched his back.

Soldier 2:

It took four of them to

Get us off him.

(PAUSE)

Soldier 1:

I don’t care. He should have

Watched his back. If he had made

One wrong move – knocked him

Off that mattress so hard, he wouldn’t

Have being able to go to the toilet

For two days. I don’t care. It’s not my turn. 

(PAUSE)

Soldier 2:

And I’m telling you we swapped

over the time before last when you

wanted to go and see that little

Blonde in Room 6.

Soldier 1:

That was Paul.

(PAUSE)

Soldier 2:

No, it wasn’t.

Soldier 1:

I’m choosy who I sleep

with and besides which

that dirty sod spent half a hour

at the end of our shift telling me in

graphic detail how she nearly bit it off.

(PAUSE)

Soldier 2:

I hadn’t heard

About that.

Soldier 1:

Well, you didn’t hear

It from me.

Soldier 2:

Sugar. 

Soldier 1:

I am surprised

He didn’t get shot

For that.

Soldier 2:

I don’t think I

want to know any

more about this.

Soldier 1:

You started it all.

Soldier 2:

No, I didn’t.

Soldier 1:

Yes, you bloody did.

No, I didn’t.  We don’t have

the time to stand here all

night to talk about this. We

should have being back on

B Block ten minutes ago. 

We’ll get put on here

tomorrow night  too if

we don’t hurry up..   For god’s

sake just go  in. I’ll go the

next two times  if you’ll simply go in.

(PAUSE)

You know what the Colonel is like.

(PAUSE)

Soldier 2:

I still don’t like it.

He’s too quiet. He could

be waiting round the other

Side of the door.

He could be watching

With a nail..

Soldier 1:

For god’s sake.

Just go in

(PAUSE)

Soldier 1:

If you are that scared

that much I’ll go in

right behind you.

Just bang on the

door and tell him to

stand by the wall

And don’t move until

you hear the shuffle of

his feet brush against

the wall and if he doesn’t move

we’ll go in and beat him

down to the  ground.

(PAUSE)

He won’t look  that much like

a V.I.P. then.

(SOLDIER 1 BANGS ON

THE DOOR)

Soldier 2:

He ain’t moving.

(SOLDIER 2 PUTS HIS
HEAD IN HIS HANDS)

Soldier 1:

For god’s sake.

Soldier 2:

I think he’s dead.

Soldier 1:

He bloody well better be dead.

(SOLDIER 1 THEN BANGS

ON THE DOOR)

Soldier 1: (SHOUTING)

Against the wall..

(PAUSE)

Soldier 1: (under breathe)

For god’s sake.

(PAUSE)

Soldier 1:

Against the bloody wall.

(PAUSE)

Soldier 1: (SHOUTING)

I ain’t going to ask you

again.

(PAUSE)

Soldier 1: (SHOUTING)

Against the wall.

(PAUSE)

Soldier 1:

MOVE.

(BANG FROM THE CELL)

Soldier 1:

About time.

Soldier 2:

For god’s sake, be careful.

Soldier 1:

I don’t believe you

Sometimes.

Soldier 2:

I don’t like it.

Soldier 1:

Do you think I like it?

We’re got another

Twenty sodding cells

To go through

(PAUSE)

Soldier 2:

I just don’t like the

Fact he is being so

Bloody quiet.

Soldier 1:

Do you think I like

It too?

(PAUSE)

Soldier 1:

We’re got a bloody

Job to do. Do you

Think I like it too?

(PAUSE)

Soldier 2:

No.

Soldier 1:

Exactly. I hate the way

We have to check

On him every night.

If I had my day, I’ll

Line the lot off them

Against the wall

And well…

(PAUSE)

Soldier 2:

That’s a bit harsh.

Soldier 1: 

I don’t have time

To stand here

And debate politics

With you. We’ve

Got a job to do.

Soldier 2: (mumbles)

I didn’t start bringing

politics into this.

Soldier 1:

That ain’t politics. It’s

A bloody way of life.

Dog eat Dog and only the

Strong shall survive.  SHITS

like this CUNT deserve

everything they have got coming

to them. He chose the wrong

party. He asked for everything

he has got coming to me.

(PAUSE)

I’m going in, bugger it.

If that CUNT gives

Me any grief that god

Help him literally.

(PAUSE)

Cover my back and if

He moves one inch out

Off place, smack him

On the head til he begs

You to stop whether

It’s in English or

FUCKING double dutch.

(SOLDIER 1 GOES
INTO THE CELL.

AFTER A FEW SECONDS
SOLDIER 2 FOLLOWS)

(PAUSE FOR A FEW SECONDS)

(A SCREAM HITS
THE AIR)

(THEY BOTH COME BACK
OUT. SOLDIER 2 IS LOOKING
SHOCKED. SOLDIER 1 IS
GENTLY STROKING HIS
STICK WHICH HAS BLOOD
DRIPPING ON)

Soldier 1:

Right, next cell.

Come on, we haven’t

Got all night.

(FADE TO BLACK)